"Oh Dear What Can the Matter Be?"

Chorus:

Oh Dear What can the matter be?
Seven old ladies locked in a lavat’ry.
There were there from Sunday to Saturday.
Nobody knew they were there.

Verses:

The first was a lady named Eleanor Humphrey.
Who sat herself down just to make herself comfy.
And when she got up she could not get her bum free.
And nobody knew she was there.

The next to come in was dear Mrs. Mason
The stalls were all full so she pissed in the basin
And that is the water that I washed my face in
And nobody knew she was there

The third old lady was Amelia Garpickle;
Her urge was sincere, her reaction was fickle.
She hurdled the door; she'd forgotten her nickel,
And nobody knew she was there
 
The forth to come in was Elizabeth Bender;
She went there to repair a broken suspender.
Caught up in the site of the feminine gender
And nobody knew she was there

The fifth to come in, it was old Mrs. Draper
She sat herself down, and then found there was no paper
She had to clean up with a plasterer's scraper
And nobody knew she was there

The sixth old lady was Emily Clancy;
She went there 'cause something tickled her fancy,
But when she got there it was ants in her pantsy
And nobody knew she was there

The seventh was the Bishop of Chichester's daughter
She went in to pass some superfluous water
She pulled on the chain and the rising tide caught her
And nobody knew she was there

The janitor came in the early morning.
He opened the door without any warning,
The seven old ladies their seats were adorning,
And nobody knew they were there.

alt: 
(The __ old lady was Abigail Quimm
Who crossed her legs on a personal whim,
But her thigh got caught twixt the bowl and the rim
And nobody knew she was there.)