"The Spree"

There was Johnny McEldoo and McGee and me
And a couple or two or three went on a spree one day
We had a bob or two, which we knew how to blew
And the beer and whiskey flew, and we all felt gay.

We visited McCann's, McEloman's, Salty Dan's
We then went into Swann's our stomachs for to pack
We ordered out the feed which indeed we did need
And we finished it with speed but we still felt slack

Johnny McEldoo turned as blue as the dew
And a plate of Irish stew he soon put out of sight
He shouted out encore with a roar for some more
That he never felt before such a keen appetite

He ordered eggs and ham, bread and jam, what a cram
But him we couldn't tram, though we tried our level best
For everything we brought,  cold or hot,  mattered not
It went down him like a shot but he still stood the test

He swallowed tripe and lard by the yard, we were scar'd
We thought it would go hard when the waiter brought the bill
We told him to give o'er but he swore he could lower
Twice as much again and more before he had his fill

He nearly soaked a trough full of broth, says McGrawth
He'll devour the tablecloth if you don't haul him in

When the waiter brought the charge McEldoo felt so large
He began to scout and barge, and his blood went on fire
He began to curse and swear, tear his hair in despair
And to finish the affair, called the shopman a liar

The shopman he threw out and no doubt he did clout
McEldoo he kicked about like an old football
Tattered all his clothes, broke his nose, I suppose
Nearly killed him with a few blows in no time at all

McEldoo began to howl and to growl, by my soul
He threw an empty bowl at the shopkeeper's head
Struck for Mickey Finn, peeled the skin off his chin
And the ructions did begin, and we all fought and bled

The peelers did arrive, man alive, four or five
And at us they made a drive for us all to march away
We paid for all the meat that we ate, set it straight
And went home to ruminate on the spree that day